I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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