Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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