i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
