Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
