I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
