If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
