YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
