i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
