It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
