hotel room ftw
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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