last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
