Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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