I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
