Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
