I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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