There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
