6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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