she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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