How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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