My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
