you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
