Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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