Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
