I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Say something about gay babies.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
