Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
