I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
