My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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