we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
worst night to have a conscience
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
