I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
