I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
