Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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