kristin has been a bad kristin
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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