I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
