Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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