I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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