I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
