Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
