I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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