You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
