i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
