I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
