Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
