I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
