so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
