i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
