i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
