Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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