She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
