I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
