My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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