There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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