just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
