Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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