Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
